peace, RT

I’ll leave you with just a couple thoughts (reiterations now I suppose). Since I’m so much older than you (I took my youngest to college less than a week ago), I lived amongst the punk rock 80′s. I was a tomboy, wasn’t the chick that babysat other people’s kids—I hardly even liked them, and was completely non-maternal. Like you, when I got pregnant, I read lots about pregnancy, birth, and babies. Maybe I could study my way to being a mom? May I just say that hormones are amazing things! I was immediately and chemically a momma. And I was a good one.

Things to keep in mind in no particular order:
Everything’s a phase. It passes and you get something new to worry about. Just deal with the now and don’t worry. It doesn’t help.

Don’t raise a brat. Kids are more secure when they know you’re in charge. You don’t have to yell or beat them for them to know you’re the mom. My mantra was always, “Kind but firm.” I didn’t reward begging—thus, there was little of it.

Remember that you can always loosen up, but you can rarely tighten up. Be a bit stricter when they’re young with the understanding that you’ll continually be giving them more ability to make their own decisions—while you can still help them if they go wrong. That said, if you can say yes, by all means, say yes.

The only rules in our house that were hard and fast were: 1) We don’t hurt people 2) We don’t hurt things 3) We don’t hurt ourselves. Those will get you a long way.

Talk to them. Don’t baby talk, they actually understand words when spoken like we speak them. And they learn to talk better if they don’t hear “Didah babee wahnt a toyee?” In fact, they understand much before they can express themselves verbally. Always assume they understand and talk to them about everything.

Lastly—Love them. Love them through everything. Through your talking and communication. Through your actions and care. Through their mistakes, brattiness and complete fuck-ups. Love them. You can not go wrong with love. And though it’s trite and everyone says it (it’s because it’s true), they’re gone before you know it. Savor every moment. Even the ones that seem trying.

You’re going to be a good mamma and you’ll be fine with the baby. YOU are what I’m more concerned about. There is a lot of truth in the above comments about friendships and relationships. Yes, your really good friends will always be your friends, BUT, you will not see them nearly as much. It’s just the nature of things. The other people will naturally fall away—you will not run in the same circles you did before. But unlike most of the people sharing experiences above, you don’t have a permanent partner—and I could be wrong, but my gut says that’s what you’re feeling when you say “something’s missing”. The ability to share this experience in an intimate way with that other person.

For this reason, I think it’s imperative that you find some new friends who are in this same phase of life (soon). To be honest, they may not be the same people you’d choose if you weren’t having a baby, but because you’re having the baby, you’ll get along swimmingly. You’re going to be sharing advice and experiences… later, you’ll be playing with the kids… chit-chatting.

I don’t do yoga but I did when I was pregnant with the first one just to keep working out. I also did my birth classes. And I started going to La Leche League about 6 weeks before my due date so I could figure this breast feeding thing out. Through all those things, I found about 6 women that had due dates extremely close to mine and we got together once a week as a group for about 3 years. None of those women were really people I would have chosen in my child-free life to hang out with. But they turned out to be great friends due to our shared experiences.

And lastly, if you have a good relationship with your mom, make sure you have the least expensive phone plan possible—I swear I called mine every day. hehe

Good luck, Lynn. You’ll do great. It’s not rocket science. Just get some support and enjoy the ride… *hugs*

It truly all does come together once the baby arrives. Mommy instincts are absolutely amazing. That said, I read voraciously prior to having my first and never felt prepared enough. Even after she was born I continued to read as I had to make sure things were “normal”. That’s just part of being a mom. I think once you have your little one you’ll realize she was your missing ingredient.

As for friends, that is a tough one. Even after almost 3 years I still know a limited number of other moms, especially working moms. I think that also comes with time. I’ve met other moms at work (limited since in the tech industry I work with mostly men), day care and even randomly at a park, Gymboree or swim lessons. Your old friends will come and go. The important ones typically stick with you, but understand that your life is different now and make time for you and your new direction.

Everything really will just kind of fall into place. I know, worst advice ever, and the unknown is always kind of scary, but it’s so true. When you and baby lay eyes on each other your life will truly change forever

Same thing with work. It feels like it’s so hard to find interest in what used to be important because there’s something so much more important going on and work just feels like a means to an end. It’s okay. It’s scary, but alright.

I’d say do your favorite things and the things that make you feel like you. Just modify for time and prego-safety and the like. The friendships will change, but at least they exist, right? So keep playing video games, and at some point treat yourself to a prego photo shoot (because you’re going to love looking back later).

Personally, I’ve been all up on the mamavation thing- it’s been nice to get the insights of other moms from all other phases of motherhood. That and it’s easier to keep my butt in shape when I’m doing it with other people.

While that may not be your thing, thebump.com might have a soon-to-be mom’s meetup group in your area too.

And of course, if I were in the area, I’d love to hang with you and find non-alcoholic brews because there is not a single brewery in my area that makes them.

Sending lots of love & good vibes your way.