The Other Half of Saturday

If you’re a regular reader (haha), then you probably read my blog post from the other day. It was mostly about this past Saturday. What I left out about this past Saturday was the embarrassment I felt that day. I feel it needs to be documented in all its stupidity. I apologize in advance if anyone is sensitive to things of a sexual nature.

Saturday morning I woke up and rushed into the shower to get ready for my first pregnancy related class. I was excited and didn’t want to be late, but I also didn’t want to wake up, so naturally I was a tiny bit short on time. I think it took all of 30 minutes to shower, apply makeup and get to the birthing center. The class was four hours long. Flash to the end of those four hours. I thought I’d use the restroom prior to leaving the center. I looked down for no reason at all. There, at the bottom of my new maternity jeans, was something hanging out. What the what?! I reached down and pull out a pair of my underwear from the day before. I had apparently not noticed they were in my pants still during my race to leave the apartment. I have no idea how long they were there nor if anyone noticed, and I really tried not to think about it. I just thought, I’m already a single mom mess!

My day continued with an epic walk and a stop at Dolores Park for my lady’s birthday. The whole time I kept thinking, “Okay, you have to get home before 5pm. You have to move and hide your vibrator before the painfully thorough cleaners get there”. Oh yeah, we’re going there. Look, I’m in my second trimester and I’m a single lady. Things (read: hormones) get real. Real and intense. Anyway. I got home about 7 minutes after the cleaning people got there. The lady was in the area. My secret special area! So close to it! I sat down with a jacket on my lap, maybe 2 feet from her and reached for it. Naturally it turned on. I tried to turn it off, but once again, as things go, I turned the switch in the wrong direction making it louder, stronger, faster before finally getting it turned off. She probably didn’t even notice, but I’m sure I was a lovely shade of red.

By the end of the day, I just had to look at myself and say really? This is your life? Oh dear. It was definitely one for the books.. or blogs?